this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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