I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
