The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
