you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
