Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
