The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
