I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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