i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
