honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
