so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
