she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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