i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
