why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
