it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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