She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
