is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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