totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
