I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
