went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
