Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
