I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All the doctor said was why
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
