This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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