Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
