Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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