considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
