My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
