I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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