Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
