All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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