Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
