Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
