9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
