If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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