Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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