i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
