Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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