I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
