When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
