Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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