Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we're making bets on your personal life
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
