No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
