i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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