Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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