I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
