I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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