it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Blood and glitter go together right?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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