ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
