I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
