Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
