I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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