I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
