i dont even know how to be here
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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