Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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