I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
