I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
