I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
