Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
