i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
