ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
