My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
