dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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