Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
