dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
