sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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