take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
