This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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